Day 120: the pictures are failing me

Dark movie nights and peace signs, what more is there to life? 

Watched the best half hour of the Star Wars movies today. It was great times! Here's to more adventures tomorrow. 

Day 119: I smell like volleyball or teen spirit

You better believe after playing volleyball for an hour I Rocky ran up these stairs and the subsequent other 3 flights. I have got to start working out more. After the crummy day I had that made all the difference. Also, it's always great to see my best friend Christie :) and sweet men from home that I run into frequently now. It shaped up rather nicely. 

Day 118: I smell like lighter fluid

This is James, I love James. This is James beside a fire. James loves being beside a fire. Janine doesn't love the fire. James doesn't care. James barbecued us delicious things. Janine liked that part. I'm going to New York City in August to visit Ariel. I had a lovely day. I should be social more often. 

Day 117: Today made up for it

I had the chance to see Ariel today, I love her ever so dearly! She loves me and it makes my world go around. She's marrying the man of her dreams in 41 days(but who's counting?) and I couldn't be happier for the joy and love they have found in each other. It is always bittersweet to see her because anymore these days it's just for a few hours or a day. New York City is ruining my life. Okay, that's dramatic, but still. That and Boston. Speaking of, I haven't heard from him since Monday. I thought surely it would be by now, ahh. I can't do this to myself. I'll see him tomorrow, I'm sure. I hope. 

Day 116: Some days are bad days.

I was cleaning my room today and I found this happy little drawing from my dear friend, Have you met Alex. One day we were discussing my intense desire to go to Venice and ride in a gondola and he informed me that it smells bad there. So he wrote me this little doodle of us there and him being bitter and me being thrilled. I just love it because it very correctly identifies our relationship and how he's a little more cynical, and I'm a little more carefree and simple. I miss you, Alex, I'm happy you have found so much happiness. You're a wonderful friend and an even better man :) this was the little push I needed to make today a good day. The rest wasn't so great, but having reminders that I am loved and I have the best friends in the world was enough to get me through. Here's to a better tomorrow! 

Day 115: The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire

Bonfire time, hello summer. This is my new roommate, Karyn who I've known for almost a year now. She's loads of fun, but sometimes I want to punch her in the face. She's mad that I won't consent to going camping on Sunday. Sorry, friend, never going to happen. There are just some things that I don't do on Sunday and camp is one of them. I know it's supposed to be all at one with nature and stuff, but I don't usually feel the spirit very strongly while staring into a campfire. I could be wrong though. 

Day 114: memories are sometimes not so great to remember

I am painfully aware it has been 16 years since this sweet boy was taken from our family and this mortal life. Thank heaven I have a friend back home still who consented to go visit him for me even though I wasn't able to. I need to go home and visit my brother. I need to go home and visit large driftwood land and drive all the way down fair view loop and go out to the butte. I need to go to the Jensen home and go snow machining out on their lake. I need to walk to Tanaina Elementary school and go down dead mans hill. I need to climb the rock with a tree growing out of it. I need to visit our fort. I need to throw something off the cliff. I need to see my house. Even though it isn't mine anymore. I need to go visit the empty train tracks. I need to visit that park and lake by the train tracks. I need to go to lake Lucille. I need to drive by Christopher's house. I need to go to memory lake and scream. I need to drive up Hatchers pass and putt off the top and maybe steal a kiss or two. I need to go to the V-Ho and eat food at a strange hour. I need white hot chocolate from mocha moose. I need to sit at Jens kitchen table and tell her about my day. I need to kidnap Julia and go on an adventure with her. I need to drive out to the end of KGB and sit and watch the planes take off and Anchorage in the distance. I need to take more pictures. 

Day 113: puzzle time

Only took me two days and a lot of help from my friends 

I'll catch up tomorrow

I know three people who were born on this day and three people whose loved ones remember the anniversary of their death. It is quite an emotional day. And Thomas did nothing. I was expecting at least a text or heaven forbid, a hug. I don't want to need anyone.  

Day 112: this is the only version I like

Christina Perris rendition of Ave Maria is the only time I like that song. The only version of Thomas I like is when it's just the two of us. The only version of Provo I like is when all the college kids leave for the summer. The only version of running I like is stopping. The only version of weather I like is precipitation. The only version of shirt the I like is in the T variety. The only version of pants I like is the no variety. The version of communication I like is the handwritten letter writing kind. The only version of Christmas lights I like are white bright warm ones. The only version of small town living I like is wasilla living. The only version of French fries I like are the garlic variety from Red Robin. The only version of roses I like are the red ones. The only version of blankets I like are quilted ones. The only version of shoes I like are none. I like people. I like to send more happiness and love out into the world. I like to exercise charity. I like to serve others and forget myself. I like to pour my soul into my loved ones. I like to take road trips. I like to play in the rain. I like driving my Volkswagen Beetle, Belle. I like cool breezes. I like kisses. I also like sleeping. 

Day 111:Hoppy Easter!

Happy Easter, my friends! I spoke in church today and talked with one of my favorite people for hours and saw my other two favorites this morning. Had a morning side at the temple with my ward then had dinner with these highly attractive women :) I love this day and this weekend. 

Day 110: You could be happy, I know you could

Ah yes, the silhouettes are back. I love them! Also that sunset and the person I shared it with and the Provo spring festival and that lovely red haired man and the whole Easter season and being alone in my house and the peace that comes with friends and everyone else leaving and missions and introducing people I love and all the things. It was a lovely day on all accounts and this photo is just a small glimpse of the joy and wonder and inspiration that flows around here. 

Day 109: When did that happen?

There were two wedding parties outside the temple when I left today. It was so sweet to hear everyone and the merriment being shared between them. This man I know got home from his mission today. I haven't spoken to him in about 9 months, which is fine because he hurt me. Which is not fine. But now he's home and I want to talk to him. I'm a little bugged at myself for not being stronger. Also for how much I want to talk to Thomas today and I probably won't see him till Sunday. It'll be fine. It'll all work out like it does. Coulson, welcome home! Even if I can't say it to you I can send it out into the void for the years of friendship we shared and the small moments I'd never change. I hope we can be friends again. 

Day 108: I have been gotten

Stolen phone, sneak photos, lovely sister, visits with my favorite people, stayed up too late, worked out too early. It was a lovely day!  

Day 107: Happiness is hoped for

I should really take more pictures of other people. I love the lighting in this one though. It's after I got all dressed up for a man that I'm quickly growing to love because I want him to feel the same way a about me. I know there isn't a real correlation, but it makes me feel better to put on makeup even in the midst of allergy season. And he said I look lovely:) 

Day 106: Katie, don't go.

Katie has to go home tomorrow, we won't see each other again until the fall. She is so sweet and wonderful and brings a spirit of youth and happiness to our little house. I'm going to miss her enthusiasm for life :) 

Day 105: it has been quite the day

This is the face of a girl who stayed up to watch the lunar eclipse with a boy only to be stood up by that very same boy. And then to be taken in by her neighbors and have a lovely and sleepy time of it all. Work was stressful today, but it won't always be that way. 

Day 104: holy emotion, batman

Oh the setting sun! Oh the most spiritual experience I've had in months! Oh the Easter season! Oh Heavenly Fathers love for me! It was an emotional day and I'm thankful I had the chance to end it on a note of happiness and love by myself in a giant theater with lots of strangers that were brought together from the mutual experience of partaking and rejoicing in the Holy Ghost. I wish I could go back to that time and being in the car with Thomas and combine the happiness I felt  between the two and how strongly I know that I am loved. 

Day 103: There's something to be said for driving in the dark

This is not a picture I took, the pictures I took today are on my cramera and I don't actually know where it ended up. I went for a drive with a man who makes me feel as though I am worthwhile and important and good enough to be seen with him. He drove and talked and I rode along and listened and talked and then we both sat in silence for awhile, but it was comfortable silence. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I wish he wasn't leaving, but I know he has to go and it's what his heart desires more than anything. I would just like to be wanted by him, that would make my soul happy a little bit. At least I know he cares for me deeply and I don't have to be alone when I have friends in my life like him and Christie :) 

Day 102: this is my wish

If I had one wish, oh wait I'm not justin timberlake. I spent most of the day with my dearest Christie playing in downtown Provo and writing on chalk walls! We do fun things and have adventures and make life worth living. I love her. I wish I could make her life better. I wish I could do that for all my friends. 

Day 101: cupcakes, you're outta here

This is what it looks like when 5 girls demolish 6 cupcakes. On a completely related note, Christie Wilcox is my favorite human being! She moved back to Provo last night and came over for dinner tonight and had a lovely chat. Oh I have missed her dearly. It is well with my soul that she is back. 

Day 100: I too like to live dangerously

I went on a nice walk and saw this sign very blatantly posted in a front yard, is that allowed? 

Day 99: Harry Potter fans of the world unite!

Oh I love that this fan base is so wide and encompassing that even in pleasant grove, UT there are cars with muggle born license plates. On another note, computers that work are fantastic wonderful things, ones that don't are a little troublesome. 

Day 98: Katie explains how today felt

Taking a nap while hiding under a giant teddy bear is sometimes the only way to get through. 

Day 97: you make me feel sad and that's not love

Oh what a day! General conference with some of my favorites! Including that Fred character who just showed up and I'm not complaining. Then a roommie walk and filming for videos I hope will inspire someone out there. 

Day 96: someday

In the dark watching movies is our favorite place to be 

Day 95: War is over

Figuratively speaking, the battle hasn't started yet. All moved in to our new clinic with Tuesday on the way I think we'll be able to manage. These next few weeks will prove to be eventful, I'm sure. General Conference for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is tomorrow!! :) it's my favorite weekends of the year! I wrote that my wish is to fall in love this year on a chalk wall set up in downtown Provo. It's a beautiful thing that reminded me of the goodness of strangers and the humble desires we have. My favorite one was to simply "be happy" we can be happy through Christ who strengthens all who come into him. We can also fall in love. And it can hurt. But it's worth it. 

Day 94: 'Merica

Prescreening, so tired, sleep is not my friend these days. Why are mornings so early and relationships so unfulfilled and cars so dysfunctional and days so long and jobs so stressful and love so elusive? 

I'm just sleepy, but I love free movies and my roommates and mindless drives. 

Day 93; This week will be over someday

Let me just tell you that working 28 hours so far this week has taken a toll on me, I was talking to Fred and made a very large error in talking and didn't even process that it was wrong until minutes later. My brain has fallen behind. This is where the genius happens. This is Freds desk in his lab where all the work gets done. When he's off to Boston he's demanded an office with a window. Can you blame him? 25 years old and all he's got to see of the works is a tan wall. Today was Fred day, tomorrow is Captain America day! 

Day 92: You're a fool. We're all fools in love

I love that the silly holidays can be the best. I giggled all day today on the harmless pranks I pulled. The man who recieved these "BrownEs" was none too thrilled they weren't actual brownies, but I think I've made amends and his roommates think I'm hilarious so I've got that going for me. Work is stressful I am excited for next week to take a break and go to Las Vegas to see my Chistie :) oh I need to get my car checked before then. The list of things to do never seems to end, huh? I'll call tomorrow. Front desk staff meeting bright and early tomorrow! Cheers to full time work :)