Thomas is back

Thomas is back! The wide spectrum of emotions I'm feeling is so foreign to me that I don't have any idea what to do. Excited, anxious, nervous, terrified, thrilled, impatient, nauseous, electrified, insecure, confident, small, beautiful, insufficient, unintelligent, boring. 

The list could go on I'm sure, but those are just the top of the list ones. Linnea is flying home from Minnesota right now and her flights keep getting delayed. She's going to be stuck in Denver all day tomorrow. Which means we'll be getting a late start to Boise, but I think tomorrow is going to be a caffeine day because I am having lunch with Thomas. I raided Taryns closet and makeup so that I feel cute when I go to meet him. I'm so scared. I just want him to find me beautiful and the intelligent fun-loving woman he left here in June. I can't believe it's been 6 months. So much and yet so little has changed in that time. I hope we still banter well and that I end up coming out of it with confidence that I've been lacking and that this turns into a forever friendship. He is a particular person and I hope to be good enough to be one of his people. That sounds bad, I know, but he's on my side and it'll all work out. Plus! We don't have to go to institute while he's here, so that's a giant plus :) I am so ready. 

I wonder sometimes

While looking at my picture of my Devon that's my bookmark for my scriptures I started to wonder how it is that those two kids we used to be who were so determined not to start something ended up lasting at least three years and hopefully many many many many more! That first night and the talking we did, he caught fire when he was talking about Boy Scouts and I knew it was something he really loved, and I remember his timid touch to my hands that had been aching for him to hold them. The kiss was unexpected and welcomed. I had been yearning to kiss someone, to prove I was desirable, to boost my self esteem, to make a connection I lacked in all other aspects. And there he was. I didn't plan it, I didn't turn it away. It was slow and deliberate and so so sweet. The dancing afterwards reminded me that's how I hoped my life to be. I wanted in that moment to be growing old with this man I barely knew and dancing in our kitchen for eternity with him. I was sold right then and there and when he spun me into a kiss, I felt it in my soul. Our thoughts would get the best of us time and time again, but that first night was marvelous. It was like a dream. I remember waking up smiling the next morning and not focusing on work because I was daydreaming so completely. My car tire popped on my way into the parking lot and I couldn't even care! I had kissed and been kissed by Devon Jedediah Tenney! And he wanted to again! That night in the park and then walking and then in the hammock and then on the chair. Everywhere we were felt like just where I needed to be. He didn't have time to spend those hours making out with me. I probably wouldn't have done anything uplifting in that time so it was all happy to me. And we came out of those first two days. He is six months from coming home from serving a worthy mission, I have grown in the gospel and care ever so deeply for him. I can't wait to figure out what our next move is! Remembering gives me hope. 

I went to the gym

Never miss a Monday, it sets the stage for the rest of the week! And today, I went! There were too many people there so I walked a mile on the track, but I biked there and home so that's two more miles. It was a successful endeavor! And I feel great and very sleepy! :) I love the gym. I am excited to be able to breath again someday. Maybe not soon, but someday.