For the first time

You may have thought judging by the title that I did something new and miraculous for the first time, nope! No such luck. Today for the first time since I've moved to Provo it didn't feel like home. It may be because I spent the last 9 days with my immediate family and we had a blast, but I just know that I need to get out of this town. I told my mom where my thoughts were headed and when I got home I told my roommate what I was thinking as well, we'll see if these people let me get away with getting away. Aunt Cindy would let me live with her in a heartbeat and I'd have a whole new world to explore and enjoy. I was made to wander and travel. It's a good thing that not all who wander are lost. I'm living proof of that. I should really get some sleep. 

Laying by the lights

One of my favorite things to do around the holidays when the blues set in for all those not joining the festivities any given year is to lie under the tree and watch the lights glow. It might sound a bit too Greys Anatomy for some, but I love it! At my house I laid under the tree and sang a few sad songs and let me melancholy reach its full potential. I am happy, I just miss those that aren't able to be around. I would hug them all with such a fierce love they wouldn't be able to help feeling the warmth and happiness I have to have them near. Also, out of Provo for 9 whole days! What if I moved? 

Widowed aunt? Somewhere totally random? London with Annie? Alaska? Lets have an adventure then, shall we? 

Devon

Missing someone is a dreadful way to go through life. I miss the way he bobs his head in for a kiss when he feels like he's gotten away with something and he's winning whatever discussion we're having. The way he held me all the time, it was never too much. When he thought I was being funny the belly laugh that brought joy and warmth to me life and soul. The fact that he couldn't handle the cold, but knew I loved it so he'd still go on walks with me. How I can see myself living in Hawaii. How he kept me in line. He accepted my flaws and loved me for them. He knew I wasn't perfect, but was striving to be good. He wears adorably nerdy glasses and remembers little comments I made from back when we first met. He gets me. I miss him nearly always. 7 months down. Write me soon! 

No happiness in exhaustion

Some days it's nice to be good and tired by the time you return home. Other days are just days.