Sunday, September 16, 2012
Jerusalem stole my shoes.
Some days it is just harder than others to put on a brave face and let your world revolve around you. Today it has been harder. I find myself missing Braden dearly at any given moment, I spend more hours than I'm proud of thinking of him and our grand adventures together, I can see him having a splendid time and reading his blog makes me feel closer to him. He is loving every second over there and I wouldn't take that away from him for all the tea in china. I think it's amazing that he is getting this chance to go and experience so many wonderful things that I wish I had the chance to as well. I just don't really know. I'm so happy to read his blog and hear about all of the neat things he's doing. and here's another blog post that has turned into "I miss Braden" so we're moving on from that for a bit and I'm going to go catch up on some Grey's Anatomy. I'm getting so close to the end!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Alice is on a second date
Here is my problem, I don't know what I want. I know I want to be a mom and take pictures well and be loved so deeply that the giant squids could see it at the bottom of the ocean. But do I want to compromise myself for that? Do I want to get better at making friends and being accepting of faults I see in others? Do I want to live in Utah for another year? Do I want to move somewhere else? Do I want to get better at flirting and lose this extra weight I've got hanging off myself? Do I want to change for Braden? Does Brandypants want me to change for him? Do I want to get a second job? Do I want to call Lindsey Orton and follow her on some shoots? Do I want to put my heart in a jar for the next 3 months till this boy I'm crazy about comes back to me? Do I honestly believe he'll come back to me? Do I only wish these things were true because he's far away and can't hurt me right now? Why do I let myself believe things that may or may not be true?
Oh I need to sleep.
Oh I need to sleep.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
And then I turn into this girl who's been in love with this guy since February
I have crazy dreams, I have dreams about people in my life, I have dreams about people I've never met, I have dreams about the characters in t.v. shows I watch, I make up what some of my friends parents would look like and I dream about them.
Last night I had a dream that I went to the Jerusalem center and professed my love to Braden, I told him I loved the way he has a sneaky glint in his eye when he thinks he's getting away with something, I told him I wanted to be the one he wants forever, I said something about having his 7 kids and always laughing. I brought up all these silly little things about our life together thus far and just laughed and cried and tried to choke it all out before I couldn't. I remember thinking about it on the plane and planning it all out before I got there then saying nothing that I had written down.
I woke up missing him so bad it physically hurts. I just want to bring him up in everything I do, I want to make sure everyone knows exactly how often I'm thinking of him (well, not really, that would be silly and highly annoying) I want to have that anticipation of if he's going to try to hold my hand when we go do something or if he's going to ask me on real dates. I want him to be here and it pains me that he is so far away having such marvelous experiences and I feel as though life has gone on here as regular. I love reading his blog, I unintentionally read it in his voice and laugh out loud with each post. He has such exuberance for life and it makes me want to be better and make happier choices for myself. I miss cooking for him, he gives the best compliments. He's sweet and awkward and snarky and a complete gentleman. The poor boy can't cook anything other than burritos. He loves Christie's apron and claims it for his own each time he's here.
This isn't making me feel any better, on the bright side it's been over 3 weeks which means There 3 months and some change before he's back stateside. Well actually, it's less than 3 months. He'll be back before Christmas, Merry Christmas to me!
Oh dear.
Last night I had a dream that I went to the Jerusalem center and professed my love to Braden, I told him I loved the way he has a sneaky glint in his eye when he thinks he's getting away with something, I told him I wanted to be the one he wants forever, I said something about having his 7 kids and always laughing. I brought up all these silly little things about our life together thus far and just laughed and cried and tried to choke it all out before I couldn't. I remember thinking about it on the plane and planning it all out before I got there then saying nothing that I had written down.
I woke up missing him so bad it physically hurts. I just want to bring him up in everything I do, I want to make sure everyone knows exactly how often I'm thinking of him (well, not really, that would be silly and highly annoying) I want to have that anticipation of if he's going to try to hold my hand when we go do something or if he's going to ask me on real dates. I want him to be here and it pains me that he is so far away having such marvelous experiences and I feel as though life has gone on here as regular. I love reading his blog, I unintentionally read it in his voice and laugh out loud with each post. He has such exuberance for life and it makes me want to be better and make happier choices for myself. I miss cooking for him, he gives the best compliments. He's sweet and awkward and snarky and a complete gentleman. The poor boy can't cook anything other than burritos. He loves Christie's apron and claims it for his own each time he's here.
This isn't making me feel any better, on the bright side it's been over 3 weeks which means There 3 months and some change before he's back stateside. Well actually, it's less than 3 months. He'll be back before Christmas, Merry Christmas to me!
Oh dear.
Monday, September 10, 2012
So that happened.
Braden is far far away in Jerusalem, and yet he can still make me laugh by the things he's written on his blog. Oh dear I miss that boy.
Also, I made out with Devon, he's a pre-mi in my ward and he's really wonderful and we spent hours last night just swapping stories before he spun me into his self then kissed me fervently. It was wonderful. Then we kissed a few more times and each was better than the previous. Then when we were saying goodnight he said I seemed to have a lot of experience.. oh crap. haha I'm just a really good kisser apparently. He's better at kissing than Joe.
Also, there is a thunder and lightning storm happening outside right now and I'm supposed to go on a walk with Devon later, lets hope it blows over.
I've turned into one of those girls. Dang it.
Also, I made out with Devon, he's a pre-mi in my ward and he's really wonderful and we spent hours last night just swapping stories before he spun me into his self then kissed me fervently. It was wonderful. Then we kissed a few more times and each was better than the previous. Then when we were saying goodnight he said I seemed to have a lot of experience.. oh crap. haha I'm just a really good kisser apparently. He's better at kissing than Joe.
Also, there is a thunder and lightning storm happening outside right now and I'm supposed to go on a walk with Devon later, lets hope it blows over.
I've turned into one of those girls. Dang it.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Day 12
Day 12: Describe a typical day in your current life.
Well first of course I wake up to the first of my 3 alarms. I have it designed that way so the first one wakes me up then the second one reminds me that I have them set at that time for a reason then it's considered a productive day if the third goes off by the time I'm in the shower. I shower and make sure I've brushed my teeth and washed my face before either drying my hair or doing my make-up. Whichever one didn't win is quickly following the one that did. I dress and gather everything I need and am out the door at 15 till. I may stop and chat with whichever one of my roommates happen to be up by the time I need to leave. I then work for hours and hours. I get a half hour lunch somewhere in there which always seems to pass far too quickly. Then around 5:00 I close down my computer and make the trek back to my car before heading home to whatever activity is going on that night. I usually sneak in an episode of Grey's anatomy where I can, then laugh with my roommates and whichever extra person happens to be around at that time before finishing up some loose ends and heading to bed. I don't do a lot day to day, but I have a lot of fun.
Well first of course I wake up to the first of my 3 alarms. I have it designed that way so the first one wakes me up then the second one reminds me that I have them set at that time for a reason then it's considered a productive day if the third goes off by the time I'm in the shower. I shower and make sure I've brushed my teeth and washed my face before either drying my hair or doing my make-up. Whichever one didn't win is quickly following the one that did. I dress and gather everything I need and am out the door at 15 till. I may stop and chat with whichever one of my roommates happen to be up by the time I need to leave. I then work for hours and hours. I get a half hour lunch somewhere in there which always seems to pass far too quickly. Then around 5:00 I close down my computer and make the trek back to my car before heading home to whatever activity is going on that night. I usually sneak in an episode of Grey's anatomy where I can, then laugh with my roommates and whichever extra person happens to be around at that time before finishing up some loose ends and heading to bed. I don't do a lot day to day, but I have a lot of fun.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Day 11
Day 11: Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
1. Bad Grammar.
They're, there and their: know the difference.
too, to and two, completely different meanings.
2. Bickering
As of late there has been a substantial amount of bickering in my home and it just makes me agitated and unhappy.
3. People putting their feet on the bottom rungs of my chairs.
4. Fans/Noises/Lights when I'm trying to sleep
5. People walking slowly across the road, I will so run you over
6. Those people that run the red light after it's been changed for 30 seconds, that's how accidents happen
7. Giggly, annoying, peppy, skinny girls. (A combination of all those things, not as though I dislike skinny girls)
8. Styrofoam. I hate the sound and the feel and everything about it just hurts my insides and outsides.
9. Stereotypes. I know they come from somewhere, but holy cow, people get stuck in them and it's just unfortunate.
10. DVD's on top of the DVD player out of the case. They get scratched and it's super inconsiderate to use someone else's things without taking care of them afterwards.
1. Bad Grammar.
They're, there and their: know the difference.
too, to and two, completely different meanings.
2. Bickering
As of late there has been a substantial amount of bickering in my home and it just makes me agitated and unhappy.
3. People putting their feet on the bottom rungs of my chairs.
4. Fans/Noises/Lights when I'm trying to sleep
5. People walking slowly across the road, I will so run you over
6. Those people that run the red light after it's been changed for 30 seconds, that's how accidents happen
7. Giggly, annoying, peppy, skinny girls. (A combination of all those things, not as though I dislike skinny girls)
8. Styrofoam. I hate the sound and the feel and everything about it just hurts my insides and outsides.
9. Stereotypes. I know they come from somewhere, but holy cow, people get stuck in them and it's just unfortunate.
10. DVD's on top of the DVD player out of the case. They get scratched and it's super inconsiderate to use someone else's things without taking care of them afterwards.
Day 10
Day 10: Describe your most embarrassing moment.
I have history with this guy in my ward, I liked him then I didn't, he liked me, then he still does. We have spent a whole lot of time together over the past few months and had a lot of really great conversations. Things have finally started being more normal between us because there was mostly just so much awkward for a long time, but we decided we were going to be friends, so we have been. and last week at the bishops house I walked in on him going to the bathroom. I just was mostly mortified and couldn't look him in the eye for days. And he's really been making an effort to get past it, but I feel as though that was the first time I was genuinely embarrassed by something I'd done. It's something we're working past, but it's just going to take some effort.
I have history with this guy in my ward, I liked him then I didn't, he liked me, then he still does. We have spent a whole lot of time together over the past few months and had a lot of really great conversations. Things have finally started being more normal between us because there was mostly just so much awkward for a long time, but we decided we were going to be friends, so we have been. and last week at the bishops house I walked in on him going to the bathroom. I just was mostly mortified and couldn't look him in the eye for days. And he's really been making an effort to get past it, but I feel as though that was the first time I was genuinely embarrassed by something I'd done. It's something we're working past, but it's just going to take some effort.
Day 9!
Day 9: List 10 people that have influenced your life and describe how.
Nanette Summers
This wonderful lady was the young womens president while I struggled my way through high school and she was always there with something to say to me to help me through and when I sat in her computer room crying the night before I went back to high school for my senior year she just knew exactly what to say and how long to let me cry before she intervened.
Nancy Willis
This lady taught me to play the piano and many other useful things in my life. She was always just so open with me and let me be myself and even hosted a family birthday party for me one year. She is wonderful.
Rachael Eggett (Snow)
She was the laurel president when I was a beehive and I looked up to her in more ways than one. She always seemed to have it together and we spent a lot of time together growing up being that we lived right down the street from each other. She shares my love of Alaska and someday we'll both go back.
Judy Holbrook
She is my mother and the person who taught me the most about life and love and it was just a perk that these other women have also had a hand in that. She is so nice to me and wants to hear all about my life, but doesn't push. She's just wonderful to me.
Jerry Holbrook
My father is exactly like me and as such he has had a rather large impact on my life and how I've lived it. He has always let me know exactly what is expected of me and love love love him for that. Plus he knows how to joke in a way that makes everyone feel like they have a place in his heart.
Bob E. Holbrook
My one blood related uncle, me and him have always shared a nice relationship. We are both incredibly sassy to each other and as such it has made family gatherings wildly entertaining. He's a gem and always willing to chat.
Kelsey Cottle
This girl has influenced me not necessarily for the best, but she used to make sure I knew where to go, how I was loved and what she ultimately wanted. She was a good and bad influence on my life.
Jonathan Hardy
Oh my goodness I am so thankful for this man. He was the first person I met in my new ward in Provo when I first moved here after being in the ward for one day and he immediately made me feel welcome and hasn't stopped since that day. He is always around if I need a hug or a whole puncher and serenades me on a nearly daily basis. He is one of the best friends I've ever had and I'm so grateful for him every single day that I am around.
Garic Hayes
This man changed my life in Seminary. He knew how to talk to us like we were equals, but still kept order in the room. He's funny and spiritual and wonderful and everything I could've asked for in a seminary teacher. He knew how to connect with me and when to ask if I was alright and when to listen to my slightly snarky comments. It usually ended with laughter even if it was muffled because we weren't really supposed to be laughing. He's a top notch guy.
Braden Hancock
This man knows how to give a compliment. He has spent many a Sunday afternoon in my kitchen helping me prepare meals and laughing at me as I make messes and delicious food. He out-awkwards my roommates frequently and makes me laugh like no one has in a long long time. He is very frank with me about most things and I genuinely enjoy his company. He has been one of my dear friends these past months and has changed my heart about many things. He has opened my eyes to different things throughout the world and makes me thankful every day that I didn't give up on him.
Nanette Summers
This wonderful lady was the young womens president while I struggled my way through high school and she was always there with something to say to me to help me through and when I sat in her computer room crying the night before I went back to high school for my senior year she just knew exactly what to say and how long to let me cry before she intervened.
Nancy Willis
This lady taught me to play the piano and many other useful things in my life. She was always just so open with me and let me be myself and even hosted a family birthday party for me one year. She is wonderful.
Rachael Eggett (Snow)
She was the laurel president when I was a beehive and I looked up to her in more ways than one. She always seemed to have it together and we spent a lot of time together growing up being that we lived right down the street from each other. She shares my love of Alaska and someday we'll both go back.
Judy Holbrook
She is my mother and the person who taught me the most about life and love and it was just a perk that these other women have also had a hand in that. She is so nice to me and wants to hear all about my life, but doesn't push. She's just wonderful to me.
Jerry Holbrook
My father is exactly like me and as such he has had a rather large impact on my life and how I've lived it. He has always let me know exactly what is expected of me and love love love him for that. Plus he knows how to joke in a way that makes everyone feel like they have a place in his heart.
Bob E. Holbrook
My one blood related uncle, me and him have always shared a nice relationship. We are both incredibly sassy to each other and as such it has made family gatherings wildly entertaining. He's a gem and always willing to chat.
Kelsey Cottle
This girl has influenced me not necessarily for the best, but she used to make sure I knew where to go, how I was loved and what she ultimately wanted. She was a good and bad influence on my life.
Jonathan Hardy
Oh my goodness I am so thankful for this man. He was the first person I met in my new ward in Provo when I first moved here after being in the ward for one day and he immediately made me feel welcome and hasn't stopped since that day. He is always around if I need a hug or a whole puncher and serenades me on a nearly daily basis. He is one of the best friends I've ever had and I'm so grateful for him every single day that I am around.
Garic Hayes
This man changed my life in Seminary. He knew how to talk to us like we were equals, but still kept order in the room. He's funny and spiritual and wonderful and everything I could've asked for in a seminary teacher. He knew how to connect with me and when to ask if I was alright and when to listen to my slightly snarky comments. It usually ended with laughter even if it was muffled because we weren't really supposed to be laughing. He's a top notch guy.
Braden Hancock
This man knows how to give a compliment. He has spent many a Sunday afternoon in my kitchen helping me prepare meals and laughing at me as I make messes and delicious food. He out-awkwards my roommates frequently and makes me laugh like no one has in a long long time. He is very frank with me about most things and I genuinely enjoy his company. He has been one of my dear friends these past months and has changed my heart about many things. He has opened my eyes to different things throughout the world and makes me thankful every day that I didn't give up on him.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Day 8
Day 8: What are 5 passions you have?
1. Puzzle building.
I love everything about it. I love to set up the table in front of the T.V. and watch silly old movies and chat with cute boys while I sit in my pajamas and enjoy the nothingness on my brain. So much of what I do these days is so mentally exhausting that I feel as though I don't do anything at 100% anymore. Building puzzles clears my brain and lets me enjoy the long hours hunched over placing piece after piece until the whole picture comes together.
2. Walking in the rain.
There is something so calming about walking in a storm. It feels as though I am the only stationary thing in a world that is being tossed to and fro with the torment of a storm. the little pitter pat of rain on the roof used to lull me to sleep and there is something so incredibly wonderful with how Alaska smells after the rain has fallen. There isn't a more clean smell in all the world. The whole earth starts fresh and even though the cold pierces the very core of your body, it is the most vibrant sense of health and alive I've ever felt.
3. Photography.
I like to take pictures, end of story.
4. Writing letters
I think it means so much more when you take the time to write a note down and send it states, and sometime even continents away. Just to let the person on the other end have some comfort from knowing you think of them.
5. Christmas lights
They just make any situation better. We currently have about 10 strands up in our backyard strung through the trees to better serve dessert night. I just like to look at them and remember all the times I had them in my window as a child and how happy they are and make me think of christmas and snow. Also my favorite holiday.
1. Puzzle building.
I love everything about it. I love to set up the table in front of the T.V. and watch silly old movies and chat with cute boys while I sit in my pajamas and enjoy the nothingness on my brain. So much of what I do these days is so mentally exhausting that I feel as though I don't do anything at 100% anymore. Building puzzles clears my brain and lets me enjoy the long hours hunched over placing piece after piece until the whole picture comes together.
2. Walking in the rain.
There is something so calming about walking in a storm. It feels as though I am the only stationary thing in a world that is being tossed to and fro with the torment of a storm. the little pitter pat of rain on the roof used to lull me to sleep and there is something so incredibly wonderful with how Alaska smells after the rain has fallen. There isn't a more clean smell in all the world. The whole earth starts fresh and even though the cold pierces the very core of your body, it is the most vibrant sense of health and alive I've ever felt.
3. Photography.
I like to take pictures, end of story.
4. Writing letters
I think it means so much more when you take the time to write a note down and send it states, and sometime even continents away. Just to let the person on the other end have some comfort from knowing you think of them.
5. Christmas lights
They just make any situation better. We currently have about 10 strands up in our backyard strung through the trees to better serve dessert night. I just like to look at them and remember all the times I had them in my window as a child and how happy they are and make me think of christmas and snow. Also my favorite holiday.
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