Why

It makes no difference how many laps I swim, miles I run, miles I bike, books I read or pounds I lose. When it comes down to it the distraction is what I've needed because I can't face the family that I have now. Christmas sucked for the reason that I want to be around them and be happy and ease into our lives, but Adams defiance, Bobs resentment and anger, my dads hurt feelings and my mothers exhaustion make it so hard to be around them. I never want my mom to know this. It would make her so sad. I don't know how to fix it. 

I think I stopped sleeping

I was exhausted physically and mentally and yet, guess who woke up at 2:30a.m. after only sleeping for three and a half hours wide awake? This girl. I've determined that it's the lack of cuddling and physical touch in my life right now. I've read one too many pinterest pins on how cuddling is good for sleep. I changed the brake light in my car (!!!!!) I swam 34 laps in the pool yesterday and drug myself home after to veg out for an hour or so then got to work moving all the things off the floor so our carpets can be cleaned today. I did a LOT of things that were physically exerting and should have fallen into a deep slumber, alas, the universe is not so kind. Here's to trying harder tonight to go to sleep earlier. I have 30 laps to swim tonight! If I get all my laps done by Wednesday night then I get to go see Goosebumps on Thursday! Rewards are definitely the way to go, but let me just tell you I have booked myself too thin this week because I don't want time to sit and think about how I don't get to see my boyfriend for 4 more days. Oh! Also, swimming on your period is maybe the worst thing in the world, I was worried the whole time that I was bleeding out all over the pool and a shark was going to come eat me. haha not really, but it was not my favorite thing. Why did I procrastinate so much? Ah well. Too late now to change it. Thankfully I can get the laps done so I will have met all my goals for 2015! Boom. Then next year we're training for a half marathon.

"Meeting" the parents

I might be that special

Have you ever reached a point where you believe no one could possibly have been as in love, felt so secure, had that many flutters and craved so deeply as you have? I met Connors family today over Skype and also got a bit of one on one time with him and it was so wonderful! His parents are nice and Maia looked so happy to see me! I got to meet Kelsi and she smiled at me! The poor dear can't understand much, but she smiled :) Max is your typical 16 year old boy and he didn't much care either way. Bob gave Connor a thumbs up which I'm thinking is as good as it's ever going to get from Bob. Adam said he likes the way Connor talked, my mom said he's a keeper and my dad hours later as we were standing in the kitchen remarked how much I like him and that it's not half bad if he's around. I would like to say that was a successful first encounter! With hopefully many more to follow! When I got to talk to him he said he liked my smile. He said it twice so he really meant it. Man I miss him! One more week and we'll be together! I know he's going to be sad to leave them, but I'm grateful it means he gets to come home to me. One more week to get as many things done as I can! One more week to finish my stupid swimming goals. One more week till I get to see his cute face! And hug his cute body and kiss his cute lips! I'm not even sorry. It's going to be marvelous! Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. 

I made a great mistake

I set this picture as my background on my phone and I keep staring at it because it's the closest thing to having Connor in my life that I have right now. I mean look at that face! How could I not miss him? Adam said it's a good thing  that I miss him because it shows that I really do care about him and is strengthening our relationship. Now that I know that I would like to be back with him. One more week though! Then I'll get to hug him and talk to him and kiss him and be around him again. I want to see him so badly! But for now I get to wait. It's hard being away from someone you love. 

I like you ;)

Pardon my pitter pattering heart at that simple phrase. It has been 6 days since I've seen Connor and 11 more till I get to see him, I'm not counting days or anything. I've texted and or talked to him every day so the missing him hasn't been unbearable. Thank goodness for picture messaging. I love getting pictures of his family doing things or his cute face. Mostly I just love to know that he's thinking of me. Because goodness knows I've been thinking of him! I know this time apart is good for us, but I'm also very much looking forward to the time when we're together again. There's this saying that goes "When you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I wish people believed me when I say that this one is different, I'm in love! I'm in love! and I don't care who knows it! Stay tuned :) It'll be a long while before anything new develops, but I love waiting if it means that at the end of it I get to end up with him!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Not cool, Robert Frost. You make much sense and I am unaware which path is less traveled. I'm in a decision making time in my life and the overwhelming options are so staggering that it makes me want to shut down and not do anything about it, but that is the Sabrina of 4 months ago, that is NOT the Sabrina of today. That is NOT the Sabrina that is in a relationship with Connor and doing better in nearly all aspects. That is not an unmotivated and lazy Sabrina. This Sabrina is strong and independent and willing to go into debt to better herself for the sake of enriching lives. This Sabrina wants to be working towards bigger and better things. This Sabrina wants to continually be improving herself through studying and learning and pondering and growing. This Sabrina wants to feel as though her accomplishments are noteworthy. Let's get to it!

"You take people as they are"

Here's my thoughts on that comment. How do you take people for anything other than what they are? I mean, to see potential is amazing, but to realize that they have a bit before they get to a point where they reach that potential is also admirable. I never realized it was a positive thing about me to accept human nature and when people are giving it all they have that really is what they can produce. Holding people to a high standard is just dandy, but also realizing that it takes some work for everyone to reach that point. I think it comes back to those Christlike attributes we're all attempting to comprehend. Jesus Christ took people as they are. That's the goal.

The Harry Potter love bubble

Reason number 26 why I love Connor. Last night he was busy working away to get things all finished before finals week and I was sitting next to him reading Harry Potter and he took the book and read it aloud to me using different voices. He didn't really have time to do that. He didn't have to, but he did and it's things like that that remind me why I'm so grateful for him and how spontaneous and caring he is. I need to think of better words to describe how marvelously happy I am. It's the little things. and he is so matter of fact about our relationship. I don't know, I just love it all.

At the risk of sounding sappy

I have started to realize why people in love don't care who sees them. I find myself wanting to kiss that man in every circumstance no matter who is watching. It's only after I think about it that I realize I used to be someone who abhorred when couples were too touchy feely. Hi, My name is Sabrina and I'm a giant hypocrite. and the best part about it, I don't care at all. Even a little bit. I want to be a hypocrite because that means I get to be with him and be all gushy and cute all the time. Also, my roommates put mistletoe above our front door. That's been fun. Maybe I already have butterflies after just thinking about it. Plus he told his parents that he thinks we are on the same plane spiritually. When he told me that my heart melted a little bit. I'm so grateful he can see things about me that I thought were hidden. I just keep thinking of the line from Pride and Prejudice after Jane and Bingley get engaged where Jane and Lizzie are getting ready for bed and giggling like mad and Jane stops to say "Can you die of happiness?" I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I am constantly in awe of his goodness and how humble and caring and thoughtful and genuine and excited and invested he is. We were with his best friend and the girl he's taking on dates right now last night at a party and they were chatting and happy and laughing and giggling and he was so happy to watch them interact because he wants Tommy to be happy too. It has only been three weeks and already I can't imagine how I got along without him. I love him. I am so so happy to know him and get to be in his life.