Day 181: nose bleed section

Third nose bleed in my life. The gushing was ridiculous and spontaneous. All the while Alexis tried to kill a wasp in our kitchen, that was hilarious to watch till she wanted me to kill it. Where did my guts go? I went to FHE and my dad called out and said "my long lost daughter" I'm so sorry I haven't been the past month. I'm ready to recommit. I just needed to know I was missed I guess. 

Day 180: chimney sweeps are the nicest blokes

Christie knew I wasn't okay. She doesn't know what to do about it. I said no to too many things today, I did say no to something important though. I stayed at church and declined an invitation to go home and eat waffles. I hope things work out and that I don't always feel like this. I have put my faith in others and Christ so I cannot fail. 

Day 179: the one where I lose my will

If it weren't for obligations I felt too strongly connected to, I would not have gotten out of bed today. I stayed up far too late last night and had a Nightmare and decided the best way to deal with it was lying in bed till nearly 3:00 in the afternoon. Kenzie dragged me from bed, we went for a walk. I went to a baby shower for Taryn then to this lovely movie in the park which got interrupted at the end by sprinklers, oh it was hilarious! I had a rather long chat with a boy and sorted some things out in my brain. It was not at all how I pictured today turning out. Also, I'm sad. I feel left out and forgotten. 

Day 178: These people love me

In two very different parts of the canyon. I never knew there was such beauty just a short walk from where I live. And by that I mean we drove for three hours and hiked 7 ish miles. It was a lovely day for a stroll through the red rock. I have discovered the beauty that is the red rocks of this earth. Thank heaven for days like these! 

Day 177: How do I compete with that?

One very gloriously rainy day we went to play in a park and enjoy the storm :) 

Day 176: Institute. I miss you

Depth perception is an interesting thing. 

Day 175: All I do is bike, bike, bike, bike

This is the Provo City water tower. One of my favorite things to do is pronounce things like meganind does. So instead of two words Provo City becomes Provocity. Which is so fun to say! All I do is work and go to the gym. It's not a lot, but it's my life and it's a happy life at that! I have always found this town enchanting and I don't really know why. I know the way I feel wondered when exploring a new city and I feel like this is one of the structures that makes Provo unique and people would be interested in when they visit. Plus there is an awesome view of it from the rec center. I love the rec center. I almost can't wait to go back! 

Day 174: It is a beautiful life

Sometimes all you can do after work is work out and when that doesn't quite cut it a drive up the canyon will have to do! I love this life. Tomorrow will be better, but the fog has already lifted today. 

Day 173: another day, another sweet email.

Sunset bike rides remind me why I'm here and what I'm doing. It wasn't a great day, but tomorrow has the potential to be and I got a sweet email from this adorable boy from Fiji. He always makes me smile. Once a week is a great thing to look forward to :) 11 more months!! 

Day 172: Floating in the freezing water has never felt so good

I floated down the Provo river with Christie and Golden and a bunch of Christies friends. It was a lot of fun and very cold, I loved every minute of it! Then hot tub and pizza time then the evening spent alone in my bed watching pretty little liars. It's my new addiction. And the picture is from a dance party that happened in my backyard 

Day 171: Anthony gone, Kristi with depression

My last day working with this goon has been wonderful and sad. He called me "love" about ten times and made me feel real good all day long. Then spent the evening with my Kristi cousin. 

Day 170: Temple Thursday

Temple time :) 

Day 169: the library.

This day was a little bit terrible. I woke up late still drugge from last nights allergy meds and got to work 20 minutes late, went to get a Dr. Pepper only to have it drip all down my front and hurt my new blouse. And I cried. And Thomas' sweater was the only thing I had to wear and it smelled like him. And I cried. So I went to the library to get movies after work and then to Zupas so I didn't have to cook. Then to my bed to watch movies and eat Zupas and cry all by myself. But look at this beautiful building. 

Day 168: the rains came down and the floods came up

Receptions in the rain are my favorite kind of receptions! This is Ariel, she's my soulmate sometimes, don't tell Beyoncé, Taytay or heaven forbid, Taylor :) Their happiness was overflowing and it was so so so happy to spend just a moment with them. Ariel speaks to my soul. 

Day 167: Where is the sleep?

These are my people. They are sealed for time and all eternity people now too. Someday I'll love somebody like they love each other. 

Day 166: No sleep!

This was a perfect day. Happy Father's Day, Dad :) We took the sacrament, spent all day together, ate fried chicken, napped, played cards, went for a walk with the dearest friends then Linnea, Andrea and I packed up my car and drove home. I laid on the couch to sleep for a minute at around 4:45 in the morning. Oh it was an adventure and suh a fun story. 

Day 165: Do you Idaho

Off to Idaho to surprise dad and it was a resounding success!! :) in Linnea's words, "we cute" 

I love my family :) 

Day 164: Maleficent

We have fun together :) Maleficent was a lovely movie! 

Day 163: hot tub time taking

After working ten hours and being more sore than I can remember being ever I went to soak in a hot tub with four of my favorite people. Christie and Golden are so adorable and in like (we don't say in love until it's common knowledge that they're saying that to each other) Pebbles and Charlie are getting married in August. So so much love happening in that hog tub in not a weird way? Haha 

Day 162: temple Wednesdays

This is the Provo temple, I come here once a week to do baptisms for people that weren't able to do them in this life. It is a sacred ordinance and the love and peace that is felt there is unlike anything I've ever experienced. 

Day 161: Most productive I've felt in ages

I worked for 9 hours, got completely caught up on paperwork, got a library card, checked out a movie, went to the gym, renewed my membership, worked out, listened to a conference talk, filled my car up with gas, made chicken for dinner then went on a bike ride with Kenzie. I scratched a couple things off my to-do list and I'm so happy about it :) and having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card! Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and check out a few books! I can start on my reading list :) yay! 

Day 160: Creep creep creepin'

Watching T.V. With these goons is highly entertaining. I love them, everything about them :) this is Christie and her boy. We all know him as Golden. I love it so much! 

Day 159: empty stalls in empty garages

I'm still not finished being sad. Here is where Thomas' car used to sit. It doesn't anymore. I listened to a conference talk and gave some sweet notes to some friends. Christie slept all evening because she was a little busy last night kissing a boy that she's now dating :) :) I wish my happiness for her overthrew the sadness I'm dealing with. Tomorrow will be better. 

Day 158: Some days are terrible

The setting sun, the hammock, the entire day spent with my best friend, the terrible awful horrendous news, the sadness, the hugs, the crying, the crying, the crying, the crying. 

Day 157: Rooftops all over

Maybe the last rooftop concert I'll go to, it was good for what it was, but it wasn't all that. I still really enjoyed my time with Christie :) 

Day 156: Zucchini

When things end it's good to start things growing. I love this. No work tomorrow! 

Day 155: This is the worst.

I hit my low today, between crying and pouting and yelling and working I am so shocked I still have friends. I don't know how to carry on. I'll stop being dramatic soon. 

Day 154: Chistie Day!

A bug sandwich! These are our happy house cars. Thomas got in his car and drove out of Utah today. My heart hurts. 

Day 153: this isn't my idea of fun

This is what out awkwarding Christie looks like :) I refused to talk to her while this was going on. Fun times :) 

Day 152: the "Goodbye"

It's not, "see you later" because that might not happen. It's "goodbye" as in don't count on seeing me again. As in I'm not going to be here to brighten your day. As in someone else will have to call you beautiful and take you on drives. As in you are no longer the other half to my soul. As in look at my face now because it's not coming back to you ever. 

Over dramatic? You betcha. I'm allowed to be. My heart is broken. I only cried for an hour and I couldn't say it back when he told me I was one of the best friends he's ever had and I made such a difference in his life. I just turned away and cried. I should have shouted it from the rooftops. He should know the hole in my heart. Look at those people, aren't they happy? Where are they? Why aren't they together? 

Day 150: Without Christie

I was without Christie today because she had a girls night with her sisters. I went to see the new Xmen by myself then lied about it to most of the people in my immediate life. I shouldn't be ashamed of going to see movies alone, but I am. I think there's something cool about the contrast from night to lights. 

Day 151: rocking that lobster red

Looks like a beautiful day at the pool, right? Guess what? It was :) except now the backs of my legs, arms and shoulders are roasted and red. The pain finally subsided and now I've just got to work on the giant Thomas sized pain in my heart. I am so excited for church tomorrow. Oh I need to be looking good. I hope I feel better then. We walked by Alpine tonight and his car wasn't in the garage and it made my heart hurt. I helped him move out today and went to the temple first thing. I had quite the day and am excited for the day I'm going to have tomorrow. This life is good and this summer is going to be spent by the pool.