But really

So at dinner with friends tonight I started telling them about the week I have coming up and with each new detail they cringed a bit more then concluded with them determining I'm not going to live through next week. So naturally we started planning my funeral. We came up with all kinds of funny things that aren't socially acceptable at funerals, so now I want to say what I would actually like. I don't want people to buy flowers, they just die, it's a waste of money, put that money towards my parents rent or linnea and Andreas weddings, such better uses for money than buying flowers that will just die. For decoration I just want tons of pictures! Ones that I have taken and ones of my and people that I love, that's how I decorate my life while I'm alive so it should be while I'm dead. There are pictures in a photo album on the bottom shelf in my room, start with those and the ones on my bulliten board. For entertainment and speakers I just want everybody to tell their favorite joke, or a joke they know I loved or would love. I dearly love to laugh so other people can too! I'd like my dad and mom to both speak about my life and habits and mannerisms and my love of the gospel. Id like Christie to play "abide with me, Tis eventide" on the violin. I'd like linnea and andrea and bob and Adam to sing, "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" the Judy garland rendition. I'd like the picture on my headstone to be one that makes my face look thin and that I'm smiling largely in. And for it to say something about what a great friend I've been to those I've been in contact with in this mortal life. I think it'll be a lovely and unique affair. I don't want a fancy casket, give me the bare minimum, Heavenly Father can sort me out in the millennium, the packaging doesn't have to be over abundant. It'll be lovely! 

Also this...

This is Tyler Fishback, he turns 21 next month and then look out. His mom is a lesbian and married, his sister is 22 and married to a man, he loves the color green, he uses hairspray, he has curlier hair than I will ever have, he has an impressive jaw and I can't imagine certain facets of my life without him. Growing up as his friend was always an adventure and I'm grateful he was part of my life. We spent time together today and I think the time of our deep heartfelt friendship has passed. I love you, Tyler, I always will, but I refuse to sit around and watch you wear yourself into the ground, it won't make you happy, it'll make you old and worn out and wrinkly. Not in a good way. It is not my place to decide, but I do know that you deserve more and you have so much potential! 

I'm uneasy

Apparently I'm not getting the recognition I want on other social media outlets because most people in my regular time zone are asleep, come to think of it so are the people in this one. I should really go to sleep, but oh my goodness I have too many thoughts going through my brain! Such as; Devon comes home NEXT WEEK!!! Less than a week from now and hopefully I'll be losing sleep talking to him, oh please let him like me, please please let him like me. The thoughts on him abound, but like I said "too many thoughts going through my brain" so next is; it's my last night sleeping at Jens house. I'm not ready for this, I mean I want to go home and it'll be good to have responsibilities again, plus I am ashamed at the amount of workig out I haven't done on this trip, but going home seems so sad. This has been a fantastic trip and I really have done almost everything I wanted to do. I spent time with people I thought I'd never see again and going home is lovely. I have all day tomorrow to finish up odds and ends because my flight doesn't leave till 1:10am Sunday. Third thing; what do I do once I get home? Work will be a nightmare, but I can't think about that yet. My roommates, oh I already don't want to tell people about my trip. I am such a weird person. I want to be recognized, but I don't want to be the center of attention. Explain that one to me. I wish I had spent more time with Ben and Liz and their sweet sweet babies. I am weepy all of the sudden. Life is good and things are beautiful and I am so blessed to have afforded to take this trip. But saying goodbye is always hard and not knowing when I'll be back is not one of my favorite things. I know I'll be back here, it's my home, it's where my heart yearns to be. And maybe, just maybe if I am lucky and work really really hard, Devon will love me and then he will be my home. 

Goodnight, dear void, the anticipation is giving me an ulcer. Pah! 

I biked 10 miles

While going 18 mph!!!!!!!! That's my best time yet! These legs are going to be shaky till tomorrow. I am sorry I post so much about my workouts and weight loss, I know it's not enjoyable for others to read, believe me, I've been there, but I'm just so excited that after such a long time I'm seeing results and I promise that if you put your whole effort into changing your lifestyle, the results will come for you, too. Life is good, my goal was to run a mile before Devon came home and tomorrow I'm going to try that. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day. I am confident I can do it. I have the strength I need. I have the wherewithal to pull it off, I have the shoes and the attitude. I can't decide if I could be better running a half mile from home then running back, or if the treadmill will work. Or maybe I'll try both! I'm going to be a running fool! Tomorrow I'll put my body to the test, I can do this. Ooh or I could run the Provo River trail! That could be fun! Oh dear now I have too many options. Setting goals is fun, achieving goals is funner. I maintain that's a word. Life is lovely!

 

This is the life

Let me just explain to you for a moment the glory of wearing skinny jeans. I didn't worry about wether or not I was treading on the cuffs of my pants, I didn't worry about them getting caught on something and every time. EVERY TIME! I saw my reflection, I was happy with what I saw! I am fully converted and I hope that I never go back. Plus, yay! Skinny! 

Memorized.

Have you ever enjoyed every little particular about a moment and stood there afterwards trying to hold onto every simple detail to make it last longer? I had one such moment today. It lasted about three minutes and I felt such peace. I had just walked out of a movie to see the very last lights of the day, all that was left was a line of orange soft on the horizon. A dark blue of evening over that and in the clouds above me a swirl of baby blue and the dark all mixed in together. The crickets chirped and the silence of the rest of the world seemed loud. The city lights in the distance seemed so far away and like they belonged to a different world. I wished to stay in that serene and comfortable silence for days and days. Alas, where I stood was not the most secret of places so before long someone drove by and I was jostled from my dreaming state, life is pretty funny sometimes. I want to go back to that quiet peaceful moment even just for and instant. Thinking about Devon while standing there on the edge of an unfinished parking lot and hoping that our lives will work out so we will be together forever. It's a happy thought.