I wonder sometimes

While looking at my picture of my Devon that's my bookmark for my scriptures I started to wonder how it is that those two kids we used to be who were so determined not to start something ended up lasting at least three years and hopefully many many many many more! That first night and the talking we did, he caught fire when he was talking about Boy Scouts and I knew it was something he really loved, and I remember his timid touch to my hands that had been aching for him to hold them. The kiss was unexpected and welcomed. I had been yearning to kiss someone, to prove I was desirable, to boost my self esteem, to make a connection I lacked in all other aspects. And there he was. I didn't plan it, I didn't turn it away. It was slow and deliberate and so so sweet. The dancing afterwards reminded me that's how I hoped my life to be. I wanted in that moment to be growing old with this man I barely knew and dancing in our kitchen for eternity with him. I was sold right then and there and when he spun me into a kiss, I felt it in my soul. Our thoughts would get the best of us time and time again, but that first night was marvelous. It was like a dream. I remember waking up smiling the next morning and not focusing on work because I was daydreaming so completely. My car tire popped on my way into the parking lot and I couldn't even care! I had kissed and been kissed by Devon Jedediah Tenney! And he wanted to again! That night in the park and then walking and then in the hammock and then on the chair. Everywhere we were felt like just where I needed to be. He didn't have time to spend those hours making out with me. I probably wouldn't have done anything uplifting in that time so it was all happy to me. And we came out of those first two days. He is six months from coming home from serving a worthy mission, I have grown in the gospel and care ever so deeply for him. I can't wait to figure out what our next move is! Remembering gives me hope. 

I went to the gym

Never miss a Monday, it sets the stage for the rest of the week! And today, I went! There were too many people there so I walked a mile on the track, but I biked there and home so that's two more miles. It was a successful endeavor! And I feel great and very sleepy! :) I love the gym. I am excited to be able to breath again someday. Maybe not soon, but someday. 

Hi blogging world

Okay okay, I know it's been a little while since you've heard my lovely dulcet tones on the internet, but guess what?! I gave up my photo project. It turns out I didn't care anymore. Also I stopped going to the gym about three weeks ago and started eating treats again so I feel pretty rotten these days. I miss Devon like crazy, woo! No surprise there. But then I remember that six months is none too long at all! It will fly by and in no time I'll be back in his arms and happy as a lark. I'm happy now, to be sure. I'm just a little lonely because I've been out of town for days and days and I haven't gotten a single text from anyone other than linnea. I am lonely. Jen will be here in two weeks and we'll paint the town red! Thomas will be here a week and a half after that and I can hardly wait to hug that goon! The holidays are so happy for me this year :) 

I'm not okay

I'm just not. I don't know how to fix it. 

Missionary emails

How much is too much? How long should it be? Can I say "I miss you"? Will you tell me you love me? Will we discuss your homecoming? Are countdowns inappropriate? Can I come visit you when you return? Can I tell you about the giant whole in my heart you occupy by being absent? Will you let me tell you my fears? Can I tell you the gory details of my family? Do you really want to know about my dating life? Can I tell you I don't go on dates because I'm waiting for you? Can I tell you I want to be your one and only? Can I say I dream of you every night? What will make you stop responding? because I need to avoid that at all costs. Is there another girl out there worrying about all this too? How do I remain calm when you get home? Will you call me right away? What if I'm not what you're looking for? What if you're not what I'm looking for? What if your family hates me? What if my flaws are too pronounced for you? How close to your homecoming can we start talking about it? Do you think of me on Mondays? Can I tell you I think of you every day? How fast can seven months go by? 

I miss you, Devon. You have stolen my heart. 

Day 212: The look-alike

Katie has been in Uganda forever and I saw her doppelganger walking down the street today

Day 211: I'm so behind