I put as many slow mellow and sometimes sad songs on grooveshark before I start typing, that way I know how long I think I'll last in my rants, sometimes it's just a couple songs, sometimes it's many many more. I have had a great day. I slept in till 8:30, then stayed in bed thinking and watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix till Christie came home from work at which point we both went upstairs to eat lunch and plan the rest of our day together. I took a shower at one point and made Texas sheet cake for the first time since I've been moved out, oh it was delightful! Then Christie, Alice, Dan (Our home teacher) and I went out to dinner at Chilis and let me tell you, that burger hit the spot! Oh my goodness it was delicious and a couple of Christies friends joined us to make it a party. Chilis was doing a deal where they would donate 15% of the bill to Tere Parras hospital fund. She's a friend of Marissa's who fell from a tree and is paralyzed. It's something little and fun that I can do, it's why we had a dance and BBQ and 5K run last weekend. Then FHE was super exciting and two people showed up so we just sat and talked and ate the sheet cake I made. Next week I'm determined to be more motivated about FHE. It's my calling in the church and as such I should take it more seriously and not make offhand comments about it and if it's bothersome.
I was chatting with Chris this evening and he asked if I would come give him a hug, sometimes I wish it were that easy. If you could just send someone one of your hugs that would probably be the best invention, I'd send them to Coulson all the time. To Jen and my mom and dad and Bob and Adam, to Kelsey. She wouldn't want them because she always complained about how I only came up to her boobs.. but I never noticed that, I loved her, I missed her when she was gone from me. I hope that someone loves me in my life as much as I loved her. She was my other half, my best friend, the peanut butter to my jelly. And then one day she was just gone. This isn't the kind of gone as in she died. She just decided she was done with Alaska, with me and with anything from her high school life. I was her high school best friend. And she was mine, we made plans to continue our friendship through marriage and I'm just sad she isn't around to see what has become of me. I could really handle having her around. I miss her still. It's been well over a year and the giant 6'5 hole in my heart has only just started mending, I'm wondering if I should try to see how she's doing. Maybe I'll ask her mom. That's usually a safe way. Or maybe I won't and I'll just keep on going like this till I can no longer remember the exact color of her eyes and hair, till I forget the silly fights and talks till 2 am when we had to be up at 4. till I forget all of the notes now sitting in a box in my parents basement that we passed back and forth every day of freshman and most of sophomore year. The silly drawings she taped to my locker. The countless watches I bought her. How many times she spent the night at my house, how many walks we went on. How often we laid in the grass and laughed about things we had no control over.
Memory lane is closed.
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