I call him a dumb boy, but the truth is he's the smartest person I've ever known

Taking a break to say that today I started thinking about what will happen when Braden comes back to Provo. I envisioned the whole me running in slow motion towards him with us both grinning like idiots and holding him so tight in a hug that is long long overdue. There's an almost kiss then we back off and it's awkward for half a second before Alice and Christie are there to hug him as well. I wonder if he'll call me when he gets back to Ohio for Christmas, I think that would make me so unbelievably happy. Hearing his voice would be so wonderful, when I miss it I just watch some of the silly youtube videos he's in. Thank goodness for Travis and his need to record Braden and various others doing lovely and silly things.
I miss him quite a bit today, and I didn't realize how much it was wearing on me until I sat down in institute and the tears were streaming down my face before I even knew what had happened. Then I started to think about the things I wrote in the previous paragraph. I don't sleep well these days and I don't rightly know what's missing in my life other than a large chunk of Braden Jay Hancock. I don't want to admit to myself that I may be one of those girls who goes to pieces when the man she fancies is away. Granted he has been gone awhile and still has a little under two months before I see his darling face again. Good thing he will move in just across the street and we can spend our days laughing and playing with each other. He seems like the kind of person that likes to play and have life be a game. There is a certain air about him that makes others at ease and feel adventurous and inventive.
I've gone on too long, haven't I? I suppose I should prepare myself for the fact that he may come back completely in love with some girl he met in Jerusalem, he has written me that a particular one sparked his fancy, but he seemed pessimistic about it so should that give me cause to hope? Do I wait these two months all the while planning out what to say in the most correct way possible to tell him of my desire to be his desire? Oh this is too much for this late at night. I need sleep. And help. At this moment, sleep more than help.