If I keep these thoughts inside my head I'll explode

Christie got dumped. Golden is a lot of mean things I shouldn't say. He brought a date to the reception. Christie doesn't know. I don't know how to tell her. I wish I didn't know. We didn't go to the reception. She didn't need to see him today. I miss Devon always. I can't believe he means so much to my life. I wanted to cry today because I remembered things I thought were gone. I wanted to cry today. Maybe I will still cry. Christie is in the next bed and I can't cry. Being emotional is dumb. I want to be the best possible version of myself for Devon and for Christie and for me. I need to keep learning and growing so I'm not unfortunately behind when he comes home. I wish he were home. I wish he were holding me and making everything right. He always makes it right. Bad day, hold me. Rough moment, let me talk it through. Needs to study, let's me sit on the couch and read. I miss that. The companionship, how he loved me all the time even when I wasn't nice. Especially then. I feel so silly for not noticing our love story at the time. When you come home, please let me make it up to you. I will be better, I need to be. I wanna get better.