This is giving me time

This change with Devon has given me time to think like I haven't before. My life will still go on if he doesn't want me when he gets home, he would be hard pressed to find someone who loves him as much as I do, but that's his choice to make. I won't be quiet about my feelings, I won't wait till I'm sure he's going to reciprocate, when I see him, I'll tell him and we'll sort it out from there. I won't pounce on him and say "do you love me?!?!!" But I will bring it up maybe not the love part, but the wanting to pursue something for sure. I just want to know what to do and if I'm planning our future or just mine. I don't want to think about this, I want him to love me as much as I love him and I want to continue feeling that way for a long long time. That's what scares me. My longest relationship was not that long, I'm worried I don't have to staying power. Once I see him and find out how I feel I'm sure that will go a long way in determining what course our lives will take. Oh I hope it works out how we want it to. And if it doesn't I hope I'm a big enough person to hope someone else makes him happy. Oh that makes me sick, I want it to be me, so badly. Two more months!