"You see things and you understand"

I talked to my mom this morning on the phone and she said that my brothers and her had Facebook stalked Max and Bob remarked that he wasn't attractive and my mom went into his and my defense that there is so much more than physical attraction to a relationship and how I am drawn to his personality and the testimony that he shares and his intelligence and so many more things, but as she was telling me this my heart kind of fell. It's all so many silly things that have added up to me feeling so unappreciated and unwanted and just rubbed me the wrong way. It's a lot of silly things that add up to me not wanting to pursue a long term relationship with Max. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and that I never have to cause to question that fact. It was just a rough day. I don't want to have to worry that someone won't love me anymore because I'm not a perfect model. I want to know that they love me for me and not what I look like. I want to feel comfortable enough to wear my ugly sweats around them and tie my hair up. I don't want someone who pursues the insecurities I already have in myself. I just want to talk to Christopher. I miss him, he'd give me the confidence to break apart from Max and figure out what else I need to be doing right now in my life. He would be quite supportive of my moving to Logan. I want to go there so bad. I have so much turmoil in my soul right now. I need a change. Let's do this! Something! Anything!