I left my heart in San Francisco

Christie took this kind of by a fluke, look how cool! This has been a trip that has fulfilled all my notions about San Francisco and convinced me further that it's a city I love. I have been enchanted by it from start to finish and I would gladly return here in a heartbeat. Especially to Muir Woods. Oh my goodness if you've not gone to a Redwood forest in your life you should probably go immediately! I don't think there's anything quite like it. The sun filtering through the trees and tbd rich smells were enough to make me decide it really was as magical as all that. Thank goodness for a clear day, warm breezy temperatures, a good natured baby and willing friends. Around 4:00 they headed home and Christie and I walked around San Francisco through little Italy, down a couple alleys lined with potted gardens, Chinatown, a breathtaking cathedral, to put my toes in the ocean, ghirahdelli square for free samples for Christie, a few touristy shops and an overall great time! My legs are sore from all the hills, but we have done it! We successfully took on San Francisco and emerged victorious! I'm glad to go home, but sad to leave here. I'm so happy we did this and how everything worked out. Life is good. 

Where'd you go?

Once upon a time we ran away to San Francisco. We've been here less than 24 hours so far and already it's been a grand adventure. We got in, Braden picked us up at the airport and brought us to Palo Alto to their cute apartment where Annie and Lauren were making dinner(mostly Lauren because Annie is 5 months old) and we hugged and talked and I told them they should consider flying to Utah in October and they got really excited and we talked about Connor a lot. Oh goodness I wish he were here, but it's kinda fun to miss him too. San Francisco here we come today! 

Funny story

The first time Connor asked me to marry him I responded with "get out" haha of course he wasn't serious at the time and was making a joke, but still. That'll be funny when we tell the story years and years from now. I am looking forward to the day when we can go to sleep together because last night I only saw him for 15 minutes at the very end of the day on his way home to sleep and if we were sleeping in the same bed we'd at least get to snuggle for a bit before sleep overtook us. I miss him and he's still here haha this is what love is like to me.

What year is it?

Sitting here texting my two best friends from high school and wondering how the heck did we end up here? 

So far today I have gone to Zumba step, gone to the fabric store and splurged on cute fabric! Gone to the grocery store and stocked up on everything! Cut up all the veggies for fajitas so I don't have to do it in the morning, cut up strawberries to take as snacks this week, done ALL the dishes, tidied up the living room, showered, had a chat with my roommates and now I'm taking it easy and texting friends I haven't in awhile. It's not even 2 o'clock yet. I love being productive. Except now I just want to take a nap. Whoops! 

This is the problem

The problem when you decide that your friends aren't treating you well enough so you say goodbye to them is you end up having no friends. I miss having friends that edify me. I miss making memories and doing silly things. I'm grateful to have Connor, I'm so so so grateful for him. I just miss having girlfriends and eating things that are bad for me and chatting into all hours of the night. This just hit me and I'm kind of amazed.

Welp

I didn't post this on social media because I wanted to keep it for myself. They love each other so much! The night this was taken was so happy because I just kept flitting around getting things done and I caught him staring at me a few times and I kissed him a few times and he flirted with me a few times. This was a grand day sometime last month and I am happy to know I have more of those to look forward to.  

Are people ever really happy?

Don't get me wrong, this is not about my relationship with Connor. That is going marvelously :) this is about my relationship with everyone else and their relationships with each other. I am getting driven crazy by the person who is supposed to be my best friend right now. I feel like none of my extended family wants to be around me or include me or think about me WHEN THEY ARE IN MY FREAKING CITY. I feel like my friend who is trying to get engaged sometimes forgets why he loves his soon to be Fiancee. I feel like my married friend forgets to love her husband sometimes and it shows in how she talks about him. I feel like my friend going through a divorce has turned into a version of herself that she wouldn't be proud of, not for the fact of divorce, but the way she talks about people in general now, her bitterness, her sadness. I think the old her would just want to give her a hug. Which is what I feel like when I see her. In short, I think it's high time for some baby therapy and a nice long chat or two with Braden and Lauren. I sort of wish Christie wasn't coming. I sort of wish I could talk to her about how I feel. I sort of wish my problems were big enough to be valid or small enough to just go away. I think it's time to go back to my therapist.