Here is my problem, I don't know what I want. I know I want to be a mom and take pictures well and be loved so deeply that the giant squids could see it at the bottom of the ocean. But do I want to compromise myself for that? Do I want to get better at making friends and being accepting of faults I see in others? Do I want to live in Utah for another year? Do I want to move somewhere else? Do I want to get better at flirting and lose this extra weight I've got hanging off myself? Do I want to change for Braden? Does Brandypants want me to change for him? Do I want to get a second job? Do I want to call Lindsey Orton and follow her on some shoots? Do I want to put my heart in a jar for the next 3 months till this boy I'm crazy about comes back to me? Do I honestly believe he'll come back to me? Do I only wish these things were true because he's far away and can't hurt me right now? Why do I let myself believe things that may or may not be true?
Oh I need to sleep.
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