"You're the best daughter ever"

I had a heart to heart with my mom about Linnea and Connor and our someday wedding and she said I was the best daughter ever. And that I deserve this because I've done things right and have waited for the right man. I don't think I can properly describe how grateful I am for my life and how things are going in it. I ran two miles this morning with the man that I love. This time last year I would have laughed in your face if you told me my life would be this way and my body would be that capable. The truth about Connor is that he is not perfect, but neither am I and for some reason that means we're perfect together. I'm a little more emotional today than I usually am and I'll take it because they are happy tears. 

I dreamed a dream

If you add up all the time I spend dreaming and daydreaming of Connor you might have me committed. But that's fine by me because today I think we planned to go on our honeymoon to Alaska. OH MY GOSH!!! Oh my goodness. I love him when we're out on dates, I love him when he's doing homework and I'm doing any number of things, I love him when we're watching movies, I love him when we're playing games, I love him when he's explaining things to me, I love him when we are kissing, I love him when he takes care of me, I love him when he remembers little things, I love him when he gets excited about things, I love when he is near me, I love when he touches me, I love looking at him, I love him when he helps me do the dishes, I love him when he tells me he's proud of me, I love him when I'm at work, I love him when he wears his glasses, I love him when he admits hard things to me, I love him when he talks to my roommates, I love him when I catch myself smiling thinking about him, I love him when he's curious, I love him when he sees me get excited about things, I love him when he's laughing, I love him when he tells me he loves me, I love him when he compliments me, I love him when I picture our lives together and I especially love him all the time and any time. Connor Mark Christopherson, I'm so grateful you came into my life at this time so we both get to know the best of each other and the worst of each other and through our mutual experiences we get to grow as a couple in love and commitment. This is the thing I am the most sure about out of anything in my life. And out of anything ever. I love you and I am excited to see our lives together, it's gonna be big!  

How morbid

Just incase this shaking gets worse and I can't type tomorrow, I'm glad that the last words I said to most of the people in my life were "I love you." Connor, I have never meant it the way I do when I say it to you, this is real and while we're at it, yes I said "we" because I plan on being in your life for a long long time. It makes me giddy to think about and completely at ease imagining our life together. Plus you take such good care of me, I can get used to that. 

Like a kid on Christmas.

You see it's funny because Christmas was last week. But here I am sitting on the sofa in Christies apartment staring into the darkness waiting for Connor to be home in less than 12 hours. That's it. Less than 12 hours! I'm so looking forward to hugging him! I told my mom I haven't been hugged since I left her house last Sunday. I'm not even a touchy person, but here I am counting down the time till I can hold him. He asked me what my plans are for tomorrow and I told him that I would be happy to do whatever he wanted! He needs to go grocery shopping, I just want to be wherever he is. This is foreign to me. Depending so much on another human being. I used to think it was weakness to admit you needed others, but now I know it is the strength that we find in each other's company that makes all the difference. I love him, I know that to be true now more than ever. Tomorrow can't come soon enough! 

Why

It makes no difference how many laps I swim, miles I run, miles I bike, books I read or pounds I lose. When it comes down to it the distraction is what I've needed because I can't face the family that I have now. Christmas sucked for the reason that I want to be around them and be happy and ease into our lives, but Adams defiance, Bobs resentment and anger, my dads hurt feelings and my mothers exhaustion make it so hard to be around them. I never want my mom to know this. It would make her so sad. I don't know how to fix it. 

I think I stopped sleeping

I was exhausted physically and mentally and yet, guess who woke up at 2:30a.m. after only sleeping for three and a half hours wide awake? This girl. I've determined that it's the lack of cuddling and physical touch in my life right now. I've read one too many pinterest pins on how cuddling is good for sleep. I changed the brake light in my car (!!!!!) I swam 34 laps in the pool yesterday and drug myself home after to veg out for an hour or so then got to work moving all the things off the floor so our carpets can be cleaned today. I did a LOT of things that were physically exerting and should have fallen into a deep slumber, alas, the universe is not so kind. Here's to trying harder tonight to go to sleep earlier. I have 30 laps to swim tonight! If I get all my laps done by Wednesday night then I get to go see Goosebumps on Thursday! Rewards are definitely the way to go, but let me just tell you I have booked myself too thin this week because I don't want time to sit and think about how I don't get to see my boyfriend for 4 more days. Oh! Also, swimming on your period is maybe the worst thing in the world, I was worried the whole time that I was bleeding out all over the pool and a shark was going to come eat me. haha not really, but it was not my favorite thing. Why did I procrastinate so much? Ah well. Too late now to change it. Thankfully I can get the laps done so I will have met all my goals for 2015! Boom. Then next year we're training for a half marathon.

"Meeting" the parents