Sunday, September 16, 2012
Jerusalem stole my shoes.
Some days it is just harder than others to put on a brave face and let your world revolve around you. Today it has been harder. I find myself missing Braden dearly at any given moment, I spend more hours than I'm proud of thinking of him and our grand adventures together, I can see him having a splendid time and reading his blog makes me feel closer to him. He is loving every second over there and I wouldn't take that away from him for all the tea in china. I think it's amazing that he is getting this chance to go and experience so many wonderful things that I wish I had the chance to as well. I just don't really know. I'm so happy to read his blog and hear about all of the neat things he's doing. and here's another blog post that has turned into "I miss Braden" so we're moving on from that for a bit and I'm going to go catch up on some Grey's Anatomy. I'm getting so close to the end!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Alice is on a second date
Here is my problem, I don't know what I want. I know I want to be a mom and take pictures well and be loved so deeply that the giant squids could see it at the bottom of the ocean. But do I want to compromise myself for that? Do I want to get better at making friends and being accepting of faults I see in others? Do I want to live in Utah for another year? Do I want to move somewhere else? Do I want to get better at flirting and lose this extra weight I've got hanging off myself? Do I want to change for Braden? Does Brandypants want me to change for him? Do I want to get a second job? Do I want to call Lindsey Orton and follow her on some shoots? Do I want to put my heart in a jar for the next 3 months till this boy I'm crazy about comes back to me? Do I honestly believe he'll come back to me? Do I only wish these things were true because he's far away and can't hurt me right now? Why do I let myself believe things that may or may not be true?
Oh I need to sleep.
Oh I need to sleep.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
And then I turn into this girl who's been in love with this guy since February
I have crazy dreams, I have dreams about people in my life, I have dreams about people I've never met, I have dreams about the characters in t.v. shows I watch, I make up what some of my friends parents would look like and I dream about them.
Last night I had a dream that I went to the Jerusalem center and professed my love to Braden, I told him I loved the way he has a sneaky glint in his eye when he thinks he's getting away with something, I told him I wanted to be the one he wants forever, I said something about having his 7 kids and always laughing. I brought up all these silly little things about our life together thus far and just laughed and cried and tried to choke it all out before I couldn't. I remember thinking about it on the plane and planning it all out before I got there then saying nothing that I had written down.
I woke up missing him so bad it physically hurts. I just want to bring him up in everything I do, I want to make sure everyone knows exactly how often I'm thinking of him (well, not really, that would be silly and highly annoying) I want to have that anticipation of if he's going to try to hold my hand when we go do something or if he's going to ask me on real dates. I want him to be here and it pains me that he is so far away having such marvelous experiences and I feel as though life has gone on here as regular. I love reading his blog, I unintentionally read it in his voice and laugh out loud with each post. He has such exuberance for life and it makes me want to be better and make happier choices for myself. I miss cooking for him, he gives the best compliments. He's sweet and awkward and snarky and a complete gentleman. The poor boy can't cook anything other than burritos. He loves Christie's apron and claims it for his own each time he's here.
This isn't making me feel any better, on the bright side it's been over 3 weeks which means There 3 months and some change before he's back stateside. Well actually, it's less than 3 months. He'll be back before Christmas, Merry Christmas to me!
Oh dear.
Last night I had a dream that I went to the Jerusalem center and professed my love to Braden, I told him I loved the way he has a sneaky glint in his eye when he thinks he's getting away with something, I told him I wanted to be the one he wants forever, I said something about having his 7 kids and always laughing. I brought up all these silly little things about our life together thus far and just laughed and cried and tried to choke it all out before I couldn't. I remember thinking about it on the plane and planning it all out before I got there then saying nothing that I had written down.
I woke up missing him so bad it physically hurts. I just want to bring him up in everything I do, I want to make sure everyone knows exactly how often I'm thinking of him (well, not really, that would be silly and highly annoying) I want to have that anticipation of if he's going to try to hold my hand when we go do something or if he's going to ask me on real dates. I want him to be here and it pains me that he is so far away having such marvelous experiences and I feel as though life has gone on here as regular. I love reading his blog, I unintentionally read it in his voice and laugh out loud with each post. He has such exuberance for life and it makes me want to be better and make happier choices for myself. I miss cooking for him, he gives the best compliments. He's sweet and awkward and snarky and a complete gentleman. The poor boy can't cook anything other than burritos. He loves Christie's apron and claims it for his own each time he's here.
This isn't making me feel any better, on the bright side it's been over 3 weeks which means There 3 months and some change before he's back stateside. Well actually, it's less than 3 months. He'll be back before Christmas, Merry Christmas to me!
Oh dear.
Monday, September 10, 2012
So that happened.
Braden is far far away in Jerusalem, and yet he can still make me laugh by the things he's written on his blog. Oh dear I miss that boy.
Also, I made out with Devon, he's a pre-mi in my ward and he's really wonderful and we spent hours last night just swapping stories before he spun me into his self then kissed me fervently. It was wonderful. Then we kissed a few more times and each was better than the previous. Then when we were saying goodnight he said I seemed to have a lot of experience.. oh crap. haha I'm just a really good kisser apparently. He's better at kissing than Joe.
Also, there is a thunder and lightning storm happening outside right now and I'm supposed to go on a walk with Devon later, lets hope it blows over.
I've turned into one of those girls. Dang it.
Also, I made out with Devon, he's a pre-mi in my ward and he's really wonderful and we spent hours last night just swapping stories before he spun me into his self then kissed me fervently. It was wonderful. Then we kissed a few more times and each was better than the previous. Then when we were saying goodnight he said I seemed to have a lot of experience.. oh crap. haha I'm just a really good kisser apparently. He's better at kissing than Joe.
Also, there is a thunder and lightning storm happening outside right now and I'm supposed to go on a walk with Devon later, lets hope it blows over.
I've turned into one of those girls. Dang it.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Day 12
Day 12: Describe a typical day in your current life.
Well first of course I wake up to the first of my 3 alarms. I have it designed that way so the first one wakes me up then the second one reminds me that I have them set at that time for a reason then it's considered a productive day if the third goes off by the time I'm in the shower. I shower and make sure I've brushed my teeth and washed my face before either drying my hair or doing my make-up. Whichever one didn't win is quickly following the one that did. I dress and gather everything I need and am out the door at 15 till. I may stop and chat with whichever one of my roommates happen to be up by the time I need to leave. I then work for hours and hours. I get a half hour lunch somewhere in there which always seems to pass far too quickly. Then around 5:00 I close down my computer and make the trek back to my car before heading home to whatever activity is going on that night. I usually sneak in an episode of Grey's anatomy where I can, then laugh with my roommates and whichever extra person happens to be around at that time before finishing up some loose ends and heading to bed. I don't do a lot day to day, but I have a lot of fun.
Well first of course I wake up to the first of my 3 alarms. I have it designed that way so the first one wakes me up then the second one reminds me that I have them set at that time for a reason then it's considered a productive day if the third goes off by the time I'm in the shower. I shower and make sure I've brushed my teeth and washed my face before either drying my hair or doing my make-up. Whichever one didn't win is quickly following the one that did. I dress and gather everything I need and am out the door at 15 till. I may stop and chat with whichever one of my roommates happen to be up by the time I need to leave. I then work for hours and hours. I get a half hour lunch somewhere in there which always seems to pass far too quickly. Then around 5:00 I close down my computer and make the trek back to my car before heading home to whatever activity is going on that night. I usually sneak in an episode of Grey's anatomy where I can, then laugh with my roommates and whichever extra person happens to be around at that time before finishing up some loose ends and heading to bed. I don't do a lot day to day, but I have a lot of fun.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Day 11
Day 11: Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
1. Bad Grammar.
They're, there and their: know the difference.
too, to and two, completely different meanings.
2. Bickering
As of late there has been a substantial amount of bickering in my home and it just makes me agitated and unhappy.
3. People putting their feet on the bottom rungs of my chairs.
4. Fans/Noises/Lights when I'm trying to sleep
5. People walking slowly across the road, I will so run you over
6. Those people that run the red light after it's been changed for 30 seconds, that's how accidents happen
7. Giggly, annoying, peppy, skinny girls. (A combination of all those things, not as though I dislike skinny girls)
8. Styrofoam. I hate the sound and the feel and everything about it just hurts my insides and outsides.
9. Stereotypes. I know they come from somewhere, but holy cow, people get stuck in them and it's just unfortunate.
10. DVD's on top of the DVD player out of the case. They get scratched and it's super inconsiderate to use someone else's things without taking care of them afterwards.
1. Bad Grammar.
They're, there and their: know the difference.
too, to and two, completely different meanings.
2. Bickering
As of late there has been a substantial amount of bickering in my home and it just makes me agitated and unhappy.
3. People putting their feet on the bottom rungs of my chairs.
4. Fans/Noises/Lights when I'm trying to sleep
5. People walking slowly across the road, I will so run you over
6. Those people that run the red light after it's been changed for 30 seconds, that's how accidents happen
7. Giggly, annoying, peppy, skinny girls. (A combination of all those things, not as though I dislike skinny girls)
8. Styrofoam. I hate the sound and the feel and everything about it just hurts my insides and outsides.
9. Stereotypes. I know they come from somewhere, but holy cow, people get stuck in them and it's just unfortunate.
10. DVD's on top of the DVD player out of the case. They get scratched and it's super inconsiderate to use someone else's things without taking care of them afterwards.
Day 10
Day 10: Describe your most embarrassing moment.
I have history with this guy in my ward, I liked him then I didn't, he liked me, then he still does. We have spent a whole lot of time together over the past few months and had a lot of really great conversations. Things have finally started being more normal between us because there was mostly just so much awkward for a long time, but we decided we were going to be friends, so we have been. and last week at the bishops house I walked in on him going to the bathroom. I just was mostly mortified and couldn't look him in the eye for days. And he's really been making an effort to get past it, but I feel as though that was the first time I was genuinely embarrassed by something I'd done. It's something we're working past, but it's just going to take some effort.
I have history with this guy in my ward, I liked him then I didn't, he liked me, then he still does. We have spent a whole lot of time together over the past few months and had a lot of really great conversations. Things have finally started being more normal between us because there was mostly just so much awkward for a long time, but we decided we were going to be friends, so we have been. and last week at the bishops house I walked in on him going to the bathroom. I just was mostly mortified and couldn't look him in the eye for days. And he's really been making an effort to get past it, but I feel as though that was the first time I was genuinely embarrassed by something I'd done. It's something we're working past, but it's just going to take some effort.
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