If I could text you

So many things are running through my head right now I feel like if I shared them with you then they wouldn't continue to torment me. 

If I could text you I would invite you to come over and make out exactly as I did that one wonderful night many months ago. I felt more alive in that instance than I have for the past 3 months, maybe it was the danger of getting caught or the fact that it was past curfew or that I was completely crazy about you or the way you always tease me with your lips along my jawline or the fact that with you everything was playful and fun. 

If I could text you I'd tell you how much I long for your touch and to see your face adorned with nerdy glasses and a smirk at whatever snarky comment I've just made. 

If I could text you I would tell you all about my plans to move so I can live in Seattle until you come home, then I'll move wherever you want me. 

If I could text you I would say how much I love you and dream of you every night and think of you all day every day. 

If I could text you I would send you pictures of my adventures and tell you that I'm still living and experiences life even though you are gone from me. 

If I could text you I would ask you if this is real or if I'm just imagining this infatuation. If all those days and nights we spent together meant the same thing to you they still mean to me. 

If I could text you I would tell you how much I yearn for you and Christie to be back at my sides once more to set my world straight and give me the joy I once felt on a daily basis. 

If I could text you I would tell you that my heart hurts for the loss of my grandpa and uncle and that I live in constant fear of more phone calls like those ones. 

If I could text you I would ask if you think it's a good move for me to head to Seattle to check something else off my list and enjoy all that this world has to offer. I would ask you to join me there when you come home. 

If I could text you I would cry happy tears to not wait months for a letter. 

If I could text you I would tell you how much those letters meant to me and how my heart soared each time I looked at them or the pictures that usually accompanied such happy occasions. 

If I could text you I would admit what a sap I have become for you, I would tell you all sorts of embarrassing things and let you laugh at me for I so love your laugh. 

Alas, I can't text you, but I can write my thoughts on this blog where you'll never see them. I miss you always, I love you, come home soon.